Setting Myself Up

Goals are both horrid and terrific.

They move us; they can strangle us. I have always been one to both set and freely break these boundaries (when it seems either wise or fun to do so!) I don't expect turning 50 will alter this pattern. However, this early in the game, I am working to set myself up for success. So being me I needed to look up the word "goal" to see if this was precisely what I meant. From Princeton.edu. Goal:

1. the state of affairs that a plan is intended to achieve and that (when achieved) terminates behavior intended to achieve it; "the ends justify the ... 2. finish: the place designated as the end (as of a race or journey); "a crowd assembled at the finish"; "he was nearly exhausted as their destination came into view" 3. game equipment consisting of the place toward which players of a game try to advance a ball or puck in order to score points 4. a successful attempt at scoring; "the winning goal came with less than a minute left to play"

Hmmmm. OK. Sounds right. All that being said, it is DAY #2 and I have a bit of a knot in my stomach. Is this a stupid, self-indulgent idea? How can this possibly be relevant? How do I keep self-doubt at bay?

Self-doubt. I see this everyday in my teaching. The look in the eyes of a child who now at ten is just getting old enough to doubt his or her ability to achieve something. I have to remind myself what I remind them. Keep breathing. If you do not succeed right away, it does not mean you are a bad person, it means you need to practice more. (SEE definition 4 "attempting to score.")

So, to myself. These goals are do-able. I can make 50 minutes for four important things in my life. These are not just my four things. I suspect everyone has four things in their life. Things that able to be accomplished and yet elude us. Right? Right.

The last word on the above. Every entry will not be an opus. It is a place to collect thoughts, not create War and Peace.
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Accomplished so far at 7:14 AM:

1. 10 - Well, it took about an hour, but I think I found a free Spanish lesson of the day. Vocabulary, really, but it is a beginning. Word number one: tiznar - to blacken (literally or figuratively) This seems an odd choice for January 2. Shouldn't the word be something uplifting? Ah well.

2. 15 - I also set-up another blog with no access to others to begin the novel project. Working title is The Primitive Streak. This is based on a scientific term regarding human development. I head it from Joe, my husband, years ago. We'll see if it takes, the title that is. On the novel I have random notes and about 30 some pages. We'll see if that takes, as well.

3. 20 - a bit later in the day. With my dear pooch, Toby, who turned 11 yesterday. 77 in dog years. That's another blog entirely.

4. 5 - while sipping my coffee?

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DAYS TO 50: 439